To All Mothers

Today as I sit at my laptop and check Facebook I see people starting to post things about Mother's Day. As I scroll I am hit once again with how blessed I am. Squeaker may have her challenges but she is here with me. We were not plagued with fertility issues, we didn't even have to think about starting the long and difficult process of adoption, there were no miscarriages, and how blessed that we didn't loose Squeaker to anything. She is here, happy and a joy to be with.

So here are my thoughts to every woman and mother out there.

To Woman With No Human Children---

You are still mothers. In the Merriam-Webster Dictionary one of the definition of Mother is maternal tenderness or affection. Have you held a screaming child, put a band-aid on a cut, or even just listened with love to someone in need. Then you have shown maternal tenderness and affection. Just because you don't do it 24hrs a day 7 days a week makes you no less important. And most certainly if you take great care of your pets or other animals then you are a Mother. And if you are a birth mother and have given your child up for adoption you most certainly need to be celebrated. Not only did you love your child enough to find what was best for them but you gave another woman a chance to be a mother. Mothering is about love not biology.


To Woman Who are Suffering From Fertility or Adoption Issues---

As I said we didn't go through it personally but I have several dear friends you have had serious problems. I know you have a great desire to be biological or adoptive mothers. At times you may feel like you have failed or that you are broken, and you have not. I will not say you will overcome this challenge the way you want but you will overcome. If you need a little extra encouragement I suggest listening to a song called "Broken". It was written by an LDS musician named Kenneth Cope. I have found much of his music uplifting, encouraging, and empowering. This song teaches us how God loves broken things, and as my sister in law Lizzie says "Sometimes we all feel broken".



To Mothers of Angels---
Let me start by saying I can not even begin to fathom the loss you feel. I am so sorry you have that

burden to bear and that whole in your heart. Whether it was due to a miscarriage, still birth, an infantile death, or death of an older child it is still a great loss. I salute how you manage to pull yourselves out of bed and continue to love and serve the rest of your family and community. Just remember that child will always be yours. I wish on Mother's Day Heaven would open and all the lost children could come and just kiss and hug their mothers. Sadly this is not the case and each year this day passes with a greater reminder that there is a hole. May you be comforted that you are a mother and someday you will hold your little ones again.

I hope my intentions of pure love and admiration for ALL types of Mothers has come across. I wish everyone

Filled with Love

I know I have been complaining a lot lately. It's human nature I guess when you are only getting a few broken hours of sleep a day. Still as tired as I man at this moment I am filled with love. Of course I love my husband and child but as we all know there are times when it more prevalent than others.

Last night Squeaker fell asleep around 2am then woke around 5:30am. Then went all day until 4pm. Napped until 6pm then at 10:30pm went to bed. These night don't happen often but when they do they just make life really hard. Thankfully Trey was off today and was a great helper. All this made me feel really good.

At 1:30am Squeaker woke up. Okay I'll admit it was slightly my fault. I was trying to get a few last things packed before we leave for Indiana in the morning. I was scooping some dog food out which made the Zelda (the dog) want to come investigate. I didn't know Zelda was sleep with Squeaker. Anyway Squeaker woke up... Trey got there first but he needed to get back to bed so I grabbed Squeaker. I took her into the TV Room which because of an ant infestation we have been spending night lately so it's set up for us to sleep. Of course the whole short walk Squeaker was fussing and whining. She was not happy to be awake, and I couldn't blame her. Squeaker had taken tired to a whole new level in my opinion. The poor kid just needed to sleep.

Once I laid Squeaker down on the couch and she looked up at me. Her eyes were sunken, dark, almost unnatural. I didn't fully understand but at that moment I could see she trusted me. Trusted I would do anything to get her back to sleep. She trusted me to do anything to keep her safe. Mostly trusted that I would love her no matter what.

For some reason this just filled me with love for my daughter. It almost brought me to tears. I hope I never have so see her little eyes like that again. But I don't ever want to forget that feeling of pure and complete love.

Sleep Or Lack There Of

Squeaker has just not been sleeping well for the better part of a month now. We are used to her waking up for a bottle every few hours during the night and then going back to sleep. And as annoying as the is when she "sleeps" from 10pm to 8-9am it's not so bad. Then a good nap in the afternoon from about 3-6pm rounds out life quiet well.

Lately wake ups have been more frequent and last longer do to the fact she has to have her diaper, pjs and often sheets changed. Sometimes she just wakes up and although dazed is awake enough to not let you sleep. Ohh don't forget the recent bought of stomach cramps do to inappropriate stomach emptying. Add in the fact that she now sleeps 11pm- 7am and a good nap is 3-5pm (most often only until 4 or 4:30) and well you have one tired family.

Trey and I are trying our hardest to be patient with Squeaker but with less sleep she is of course fussy, clingy, and communicating very poorly. Squeaker has a terrible habit, like most 2.5 year olds, of throwing and hitting when things aren't done their way or on their time table. Which in our house causes time outs... which she hates and causes screaming, and crying. But gets the point across so we deal.

In other news the test results came back. Ultrasounds look normal, Wahoo! Sadly the stomach emptying study was "abnormally normal". Which means it is not perfectly normal but not bad enough to really do anything yet. In the first hour Squeaker's stomach emptied 19% (they like a minimum of 25%) and in the second hour it emptied up to 80%. Normally what you empty in the first hour is what you do in the second hour. So her stomach does a big dump in the second hour (hence the stomach cramps). This also explains the small appetite because the more stomach the harder to dump that much stuff at once. 

Dr. King wrote some prescriptions so that we could have Occupational and Speech Therapy Assessments done. To make sure Squeaker isn't falling behind in other ways because then we may have a bigger problem on our hands. 

Overall we are still stumped. Everybody agrees that if Squeaker would sleep a lot would get better but know one is offering how to get her to sleep. We've tried milk, formula, pain killers, letting run until she drops, essential oils, baths, massage, chiropractors... an so much more. Trey and I are stumped and the doctors are kind of playing hot potato with us.

On another happy note we took Squeaker to Comcast Cares day about a week ago. It was a lot of fun and her first chance to give "service". We put her up on the sand truck and taught her to say "Do It!" Squeaker was a great morale officer that day :)

More Flash Cards

Squeaker has shown a great interest in Phonics songs lately. So I figured she needed phonics cards. A set of cards the had words with the right sounds to learn phonics, especially for the vowels. I'm terrible with vowel sounds, so I needed good words so I could say the word and then be able to teach the right sound. At Trey's request on uppercase vowel word makes the long sound and the lowercase word makes the short sound. On a couple it's very hard for me to tell the difference but those of you who are normal will probably be fine. :) Just click on the picture caption and you can load the pdf file.
Oh I finally sate down and laminated all of these sets and for a regular size lamination pouch I was able to get 5 cards per page. So for all 5 sets (Music Notes, Colors, Numbers 0-40, Shapes and Phonics) was a little over 30 pouches.

Phonics Flash Cards

***UPDATE***
We have had a couple of people who wanted to donate to our cause. We tried a "GiveForward" account but it didn't raise much money and those accounts can't be extended. I would have to start a new fundraiser every time. Which is something I really don't want to deal with.
Instead I have opened an Etsy shop. The free downloads will still be here. But if you would like to pay for the Minecraft Bingo or any of the flash cards I've created you can. The choice is up to you. :) If you have any questions or issues please contanct me directly at lrkaestner@gmail.com
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