I feel like crying

One of the most challenging things about having Squeaker be so sick is I can't be the mom I wanted to be. Yes, this is true of almost every mother because kids come with their own challenges and you have to adapt. It's also true that I am still the mother I wanted to be in many ways. I am kind, loving, fairly patient, interactive, and I truly enjoy my child. Which in the grand scheme of things are more important than being that mom who lets their 3 year old use a bottle, has to ignore the screaming to get something done, or who uses the TV to keep her sanity. But today one thing hit a little closer to home, food. Mostly the need for kids to have healthy food.

I saw 4 posts today on Facebook about healthy food for kids. Three of them just made me sigh and go, "If only I could."  Then one comment almost put me in tears. It was not made maliciously nor was it even made toward me, and I love the person dearly who wrote it. Today was just an pretty rough day this hit me hard. It didn't help that I was feeding Squeaker her second burger patty of the day. 


"...Nutrition can fix almost anything. Food sensitivity or parasites are a great starting place."

 

This is the mentality I was raised with. Raising a family of athletes my mom worked hard to make sure we were getting the right amount of carbs, protein, fruits, and veggies in our diet. She taught us about carb loading the day of a race. That during winter and off seasons our portions needed to be less so we could stay healthy. Mom would have loved for use to have fresh oranges everyday during the cold Maine winters but it just wasn't possible so she made sure we took our vitamins. Of course we still got sick and from time to time would need antibiotics, a daily yogurt was added to our diet to help keep good bacteria in our system. Good food can do great things, I know that and I wanted to be a healthy food mom.

We started out that way too. I pumped milk when nursing wasn't an option, I made baby food from scratch, and Squeaker didn't have sweets until about 18 months old. The reason we started introducing sweets was because they tend to be high calories in little spaces. And we needed those calories for weight gain. We still do.

So yes I am here whining about the fact that Squeaker is under doctors orders to eat junk food. She

has free reign over chips, crackers, cheese, ice cream, cake, frosting, hot dogs all those things most kids have to keep out or to a minimum. Before you start to freak out we do feed Squeaker healthy food. She actually loves it. Fruits are her favorite, follow by pasta with sauce. She will eat mostly anything we eat. All in all she has a healthy relationship with food, and enjoys lots of flavors and textures. But we still struggle with weight. All that junk food makes a difference, and every ounce counts.

Now you maybe thinking that if we dumped the junk food and gave Squeaker immune boosting foods it would make her healthier. Boy oh boy do I wish it was that easy. Since Squeaker's immune system doesn't know what to do you can give it good or bad stuff and it will do the same thing. Her immune system will just go along not doing much. Yes it is frustrating.

Here I am once again admitting I'm not the mom I desired to be. It's hard and yes it makes me want to cry. Then I look at my sweet sleeping Squeaker (it took 2 hours for her to pass out tonight) and remember I AM the mom I need to be.